Birth Story part 2.

Oh sleep, how I missed thee.

When I woke up from my fitful sleep, I had been in labor for over 30 hours. I wasn't woken up all rested, and ready to push... no... I was woken up because the pain of the contractions was too much to bear.

They tried upping my epidural dosage, but it wasn't kicking in fast enough, and all I remember about this time was lying on the bed, pissed off that I ended up getting and epidural when it didn't even work anyway. I was arching my back screaming in pain, and praying for BG to hurry up and come on out.

Now there's a whole bunch of stuff that I'm leaving out because I do feel like there's only so much that I can tell the world via a blog... but I was in hell. Jeff tried to help me through the pain, but just the sight of him made me sick. I didn't want him around me, and all I wanted was to just no longer be in pain.

So 36 hours after my water broke. I gave up. I just couldn't take it anymore. I cried when the doctor told me that I still wasn't fully dilated, and BG was no further down the birth canal than when I first got to the hospital. After another check, the doctor told me that BG was facing my stomach instead of my back, and her head was tilted up instead of tucked in.. which meant, she was stuck. So I said screw it. I give up. Just get the baby out of me.

I signed the consent forms for the c-section, feeling relief, that it was all going to be over soon. They cranked up my dosage of pitocin, wheeled me into the operating room, where I was greeted with some crazy bright lights, and suddenly I felt so tired. Knowing that it was all going to be over soon, allowed my brain to calm down, and I was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open.

I'm not sure how long I was in the operating room. I remember the nurses standing next to me asking me questions, whether or not I answered them coherently I have no idea. I remember Jeff sitting next to me holding my hand, so concerned for me. I loved him so much at that instant. I remember being scared out of my mind about being cut open, but at the same time so excited that this little adventure was going to be over.

Then the next thing I know is they pulled BG out of me, and commented on how beautiful she was, but she wasn't crying. I remember thinking where's the cry, and in the 15 seconds it took for her to finally let out a cry, all the worst possible scenarios ran through my mind. I was convinced she was dead, but then was so relieved when I finally heard that cry.

YAY! Welcome to the world LBG!

The nurses took her over to get cleaned off, Jeff went over to see her, take pictures of her, cry with her. He brought her over to me so that I could see her, and I remember just looking at her and being like, is she really mine? Before my eyes closed and I fell asleep.

Then I was jolted back to consciousness with the sharpest pain ever in my abdomen. I screamed, and the doctors all looked at me in panic. "What's wrong?" They said. "I feel it! It hurts!" I screamed. They said, "do you feel tugging, or do you feel pain? Because feeling tugging is normal." "No, I feel pain, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts" I cried.

My doctor ordered hands down to everyone and said I not only needed stronger drugs, but they were going to need to knock me out. So they did. They knocked me out, and I fell into the deepest sleep since I had gotten pregnant.

When I woke up it was late into the night. I was in the high risk recovery room because of my preeclampsia... I was still hooked up to the magnesium, and I was hooked up to morphine for the c-section pain. The magnesium made my muscles so weak that I wasn't allowed to hold the BG without someone else in the room supervising me. I hadn't breastfed at all, and wasn't really allowed to because of the mag and the morphine, so Jeff had fed her formula, and had changed all her poopy diapers alone. I felt so incredibly out of it and it sucked.

Jeff showing me LBG

I was that way for 24 hours. My parents came by, my aunt and uncle, and close friends all came by. They all told me I looked great, but I knew I looked like crap.

All in all, I was in the hospital for a full week. I wasn't able to eat for almost 3 full days. I had to throw my birth plan right out the window, and I ended up with the one thing I didn't want - a c-section. I'm thankful that BG was born healthy and has grown up to be one happy happy baby, but ugh - even just remembering this whole experience, really makes me wonder if that's something I want to go through again....

But, look at her. Look at how sweet she was just minutes after being born. The past year has been an amazing ride. Watching her learn, grow, understand the world around her has been so wonderful. Seeing her now, running up to me to give me a hug, and just letting me hold her... well, that makes it all 36 hours of it worth it. Every contraction, every pain, every hour -- was 100% worth it.

Happy Birthday BG!